♪♪
UH, IF I HAD KNOWN
THAT WE'D HAVE TO CARRY THIS STUFF EIGHT BLOCKS,
I WOULD'VE SPRUNG FOR A SHERPA.
OH.
NOW I'M SWEATY AND I LOOK MORE NERVOUS THAN I ALREADY AM.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO BE NERVOUS.
BE YOURSELF.
YEAH, 'CAUSE THAT WORKED OUT SO WELL WITH YOUR MOM.
DAD, THIS IS BAY.
I CAN'T TELL YOU HOW--
OKAY, FRIENDLY. HI.
( chuckles )
I'M SO GLAD TO FINALLY MEET YOU!
YOU WEREN'T KIDDING WHEN YOU SAID HOW GORGEOUS SHE IS.
DAD, C'MON...
SO WHERE'S THE REST OF THE STUFF?
THE CAR'S LIKE A MILE AWAY.
YEAH, WE WOULD'VE PARKED CLOSER,
BUT SOME IDIOT DECIDED THAT HIS SMALL-PENIS CAR
WAS TOO GOOD FOR ONE SPACE.
THE BLUE CONVERTIBLE?
YEAH, THAT'S THE ONE.
I'VE BEEN MEANING TO SAY SOMETHING TO THAT PERSON.
HELLO!
AND THERE SHE IS NOW...
THAT WAS HER CAR?
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU SIGNED "PENIS" TO MY DAD.
( laughs ) THIS IS OLIVIA.
HELLO.
NO BIG DEAL.
NO, YOU'RE RIGHT. I AM A TERRIBLE PARKER.
UH, IT'S REALLY NICE TO MEET YOU.
YOU'RE SIGNING IS REALLY AWESOME.
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'VE JUST BEEN PRACTICING FOR A FEW MONTHS.
REALLY? THANK YOU.
YEAH. GOOD.
I'M SORRY, I'M A LITTLE CONFUSED.
ARE YOU DEAF?
I'M HARD OF HEARING,
BUT IF YOU'RE LOOKING AT ME, I'M PRETTY MUCH
GONNA GET EVERYTHING, SO YOU'RE FINE.
HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN HARD OF HEARING?
HARD OF HEARING. RIGHT, VERY GOOD.
I STARTED LOSING IT IN HIGH SCHOOL,
AMONGST OTHER THINGS.
( laughs )
SORRY.
YOU KNOW I SAY INAPPROPRIATE THINGS WHEN I'M NERVOUS.
WHERE SHOULD I PUT THIS STUFF?
I THINK NEAR THE BOOKCASE WOULD BE FINE.
SO JUST OVER HERE? YEAH.
RIGHT NEXT TO THE GIANT BONG. UH...
( theme music playing )
( Regina sighs )
( chuckles )
( Angelo sighs )
WE WERE ALWAYS SO GOOD AT THAT.
OH YEAH,
BUT NOT MUCH ELSE.
WELL, HOPEFULLY THAT WILL CHANGE.
( chuckles )
DO YOU REMEMBER THAT HOTEL IN COCOA BEACH?
( both laugh )
THAT WAS AWFUL! IT RAINED THE WHOLE TIME.
WELL, STAYING INDOORS HAS ITS BENEFITS.
THOSE MAIDS KEPT ASKING US IF WE NEEDED
TURN-DOWN SERVICE.
STRANGE-- WE NEVER DID.
NOPE.
OH MY GOD. WHAT?
IT'S ALMOST 4:00.
I GOTTA GET BACK BEFORE DAPHNE GETS HOME.
RELAX, REGINA.
NO, I JUST--
I DON'T WANT TO HAVE TO LIE TO HER
ABOUT WHERE I WAS.
I-- I'M SORRY, I JUST-- YOU KNOW,
I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WOULD TELL DAPHNE
OR BAY, FOR THAT MATTER.
AND WHEN ARE WE GOING TO TELL THEM?
UM, I DON'T KNOW.
WHOA WHOA WHOA, WAIT.
WHEN DO I SEE YOU AGAIN?
UH, I DON'T KNOW.
OKAY, BYE.
BYE.
BUCKLE UP. WE HAVE A DATE SET FOR TRIAL.
I GUESS THIS IS REALLY HAPPENING.
MM-HMM. MY SOURCES TELL ME THIS IS
THE PRIVATE INVESTIGATOR THE HOSPITAL WANTS TO HIRE
TO DIG UP DIRT ON YOU.
MANY BOTHANS DIED TO BRING US THIS INFORMATION.
"RETURN OF THE JEDI"? ANYONE?
NOT IMPORTANT.
THAT P.I. IS VERY GOOD.
IF THERE'S ANYTHING YOU DON'T WANT ANYONE
TO KNOW ABOUT, CHANCES ARE HE ALREADY DOES.
SO WHO ARE WE GONNA HIRE?
HIM. I GOT TO HIM FIRST, SO NOW HE'S WORKING FOR US.
WORKING?
AS IN DIGGING UP DIRT ON THE HOSPITAL?
NO, ON YOU TWO.
SHOULDN'T HE BE INVESTIGATING THE HOSPITAL?
EVENTUALLY, BUT RIGHT NOW I WANNA KNOW WHERE
ALL THE BODIES ARE BURIED.
HOPEFULLY THAT'S JUST A METAPHOR.
( both chuckle )
CRAIG, WE'VE TOLD YOU EVERYTHING.
YES, BUT I WANNA KNOW THE THINGS THAT EVEN
YOU DON'T KNOW ARE OUT THERE.
( pop music playing )
♪ I HOPE THE FAIRIES SEE... ♪
( squawks )
♪ THE COWS, TRUCKS, TREES AND LEAVES... ♪
( both laughing )
♪ BEFORE THE SUN DISAPPEARS... ♪
MAYBE THIS WASN'T SUCH A GOOD IDEA.
WHAT?
DON'T LOOK AT ME. LOOK AT THE ROAD.
THERE IS NO ROAD!
( laughs )
ALL RIGHT, SAND TRAP.
DAPHNE, DAPHNE, SAND TRAP.
WHAT? ( laughing ) SAND TRAP!
AH. OKAY.
I GET THAT YOUR EARS DON'T WORK SO GOOD,
BUT YOUR EYES ARE NO PICNIC EITHER.
( both laugh )
YOU DIDN'T REALLY HURT YOURSELF, DID YOU?
NO. NO, I JUST HAVE A BAD BACK--
PRE-EXISTING CONDITION.
A "PRIUS-CYST-SHUN"?
NO, PRE-EXISTING CONDITION.
I HAD SCOLIOSIS WHEN I WAS A KID.
SCOLIOSIS? RIGHT.
ONLY GIRLS GET THAT.
YEAH, THAT'S WHAT THE KIDS WHO MADE FUN OF ME USED TO SAY.
( grunts ) YOU'RE SERIOUS?
YEAH, I WAS 10,
HAD TO HAVE SURGERY TO GET IT CORRECTED.
10?
YEAH, IT SUCKED.
I HAD TO WEAR THIS BRACE 23 HOURS A DAY--
A BOSTON BRACE,
WHICH IS IRONIC CONSIDERING I HATE THE RED SOX.
( both chuckle )
NEEDLESS TO SAY, I DIDN'T DO
A LOT OF POOL PARTIES OR SLEEPOVERS.
HMM.
( sighs )
YOU THOUGHT MY LIFE WAS ONE GIANT KEG STAND.
I DID NOT.
OKAY, FINE, I DID.
( both chuckle )
YOUR BACK'S FINE NOW, THOUGH, RIGHT?
YEAH.
GOOD.
( chattering )
( sniffs ) MMM! I'LL TAKE THAT ONE.
THANK YOU.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
KATHRYN?
( chuckles ) I THOUGHT IT WAS YOU.
NICE TO SEE YOU, ANGELO. HI.
FENNEL?
OH, I'M MAKING A RISOTTO.
OH, YOU KNOW WHAT BRINGS OUT THE FLAVOR OF THE FENNEL?
HM-MMM. A SPLASH OF PASTIS.
OH, WELL, IT'S MY GRANDMOTHER'S RECIPE
AND YOU DO NOT MESS WITH ITALIAN TRADITION.
YOUR GRANDMOTHER WAS ITALIAN?
YEAH. FROM WHERE?
UM, A SMALL TOWN-- TORCA.
TORCA? ARE YOU JOKING?
IT'S ONLY A FEW KILOMETERS FROM SORRENTO.
IT'S WHERE MY FATHER'S FAMILY COMES FROM.
REALLY? YEAH, THIS IS CRAZY.
I MEAN, TO THINK THAT WE MIGHT HAVE A CHANCE THAT OUR FAMILIES
HAVE KNOWN EACH OTHER.
HERE WE ARE.
( bird chirping ) WHAT IS IT?
YOUR EYES-- THEY--
THEY REMIND ME OF BAY'S.
REALLY?
REALLY.
( chuckles )
I-- I HAVE TO GO, BUT IT WAS GOOD TO SEE YOU.
OKAY.
BLUE IS PAYABLE, RED IS RECEIPTS.
I WANT YOU TO ENTER THE DATES PAID INTO THE CALENDAR
ON THE COMPUTER.
GOT IT.
GOOD.
LET ME GET THE REST OF THE FILES.
THERE'S MORE?
OH YEAH.
( door opens, closes )
HI, IS JOHN HERE?
NO, HE JUST STEPPED OUT, BUT HE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
YOU MUST BE DAPHNE.
I'M SORRY, I'M SARAH LAZAR.
I'M A FRIEND OF YOUR DAD'S.
OH.
THERE'S SOMETHING WRONG?
NO NO.
IT'S JUST YOU LOOK SO MUCH LIKE KATHRYN.
OH.
SWEETIE, I PROMISE THIS IS THE--
THERE HE IS.
OH HEY. HI, I WAS JUST MEETING DAPHNE.
OH GREAT. GREAT.
GREAT. DAPHNE, CAN YOU GIVE SARAH AND ME A MINUTE?
UM, SURE.
HEH. THANK YOU.
( knocks on door )
HI.
HEY, I JUST RAN INTO ANGELO.
WH-- WHAT DID HE SAY?
NOTHING.
UH, IT WAS AT THE FARMERS' MARKET.
HE LIKES HIS FRESH FRUIT AND VEGETABLES.
I'M NOT SURE I CAN KEEP HIM FROM SHOPPING THERE.
NO NO, IT WAS ACTUALLY NICE.
HE WAS-- HE WAS QUITE NICE.
OH.
AND I WAS THINKING THAT MAYBE
I'D INVITE HIM OVER FOR DINNER.
I KNOW, I KNOW.
I JUST THINK THAT DINNER MIGHT BE A GREAT OPPORTUNITY
TO START ALL OVER AGAIN.
DO YOU THINK DAPHNE WOULD BE OKAY WITH THAT?
I'LL HAVE TO FIND OUT.
( sighs )
YOU THINK JOHN'LL BE OKAY WITH THAT?
I'LL HAVE TO FIND OUT.
COME ON IN.
WHAT'S UP?
DO YOU KNOW A SARAH LAZAR?
WHERE'D YOU HEAR THAT NAME?
I MET HER TODAY AT THE CAR WASH.
SHE CAME BY TO SEE YOUR DAD,
BUT THINGS WERE WEIRD BETWEEN THEM.
IT'S NOTHING YOU NEED TO WORRY ABOUT.
BUT WHO IS SARAH LAZAR?
( sighs ) NOBODY.
LOOK, SHE'S--
SHE'S JUST A REPORTER, AND DAD IS A FAMOUS GUY.
SO, YOU KNOW, THERE'S BOUND TO BE SOME RUMORS.
BUT YOUR MOM KNOWS ABOUT HER, RIGHT?
THERE'S NOTHING FOR MY MOM TO KNOW.
AND IF YOU THINK THAT MY DAD IS THE KIND OF GUY
WHO'S GONNA CHEAT ON MY MOM, THEN YOU CLEARLY HAVEN'T BEEN
IN THIS FAMILY LONG ENOUGH.
( pop music playing )
♪ I HOPE THE WORDS I SAY WILL SOW THE SEEDS... ♪
THERE'S A WEBSITE THAT TURNS PHOTOS INTO WALLPAPER.
WOULDN'T IT BE COOL IF THE ENTIRE WALL WAS THIS...
AWW. NO.
'CAUSE THEN MY PORES WOULD BE THE SIZE OF HUBCAPS.
I'LL PHOTOSHOP IT.
SO YOU THINK THAT MY PORES NEED TO BE PHOTOSHOPPED?
I'M NOT GONNA WIN THIS, AM I?
NO. ( laughs )
WHAT ABOUT A GIANT AXE GIRL?
OH, THAT IS NOT A GOOD IDEA.
IT'S ILLEGAL STREET ART.
I'M TRYING TO REMAIN UNDERCOVER HERE.
I DON'T THINK THE TAGGING UNIT'S GONNA STAKE OUT MY BEDROOM.
OH, FUNNY.
I JUST DON'T THINK THAT AXE GIRL
SENDS THE BEST MESSAGE TO YOUR DAD ABOUT YOUR GIRLFRIEND.
OH, YOU KNOW WHAT?
MAYBE WE'LL JUST DO A BIG BLOW-UP
OF YOUR MUG SHOT.
NO, WE'RE NOT DOING THAT.
IS THIS ONE OF YOURS?
I LOVE IT.
WOW.
THE COLORS ARE BRIGHT, BUT THE LINES ARE--
RAWR-- ANGRY.
THAT'S BAY. BRIGHT AND ANGRY.
( laughs )
IT WAS MEANT TO BE AN EXERCISE.
IF HE'S NOT GONNA HANG IT, DO YOU MIND IF I BUY IT?
UH, IT'S YOURS. REALLY?
MM-HMM. SWEET!
( laughs )
YOU ARE GOING INTO THE DINING ROOM.
UM, ARE YOU STAYING FOR DINNER?
OH NO, I GOTTA GET HOME.
AWW. YOU'RE WELCOME ANYTIME,
AND FEEL FREE TO STAY HERE IF YOU LIKE.
IT'S TOTALLY COOL.
UMM, THANKS. ( chuckles )
I MEAN BEDS ARE MORE COMFORTABLE THAN THE BACK SEAT.
( whispers ) I'M GONNA GO NOW.
OH, SHE CAN'T GET IT, BUT KENNISH GRABS IT OUT
OF THE LEFT-FIELD STAND.
THERE YOU GO. THANK YOU.
YOU'RE WELCOME.
SO I EMAIL CRAIG,
YOU KNOW, MAKING SURE HIS INVESTIGATOR'S DISCREET
IF HE EVER CONTACTS PEOPLE WE KNOW,
AND HE EMAILS ME BACK "TRUE D-A-T."
TRUE DAT,
LIKE "TRUE THAT,"
AS IN "THAT IS TRUE."
I AM SO RELIEVED ONE OF US IS YOUNG ENOUGH TO KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS.
TRUE DAT. ( laughs )
WHAT SHOULD I MAKE TOMORROW?
I DON'T KNOW. ITALIAN, FRENCH OR...
MMM. ...BOTH?
WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?
ANGELO.
I WANT TO INVITE HIM OVER FOR DINNER
WITH ALL OF US. ARE YOU SERIOUS?
YEAH.
IF WE CAN'T SIT DOWN FOR A MEAL WITH HIM,
WE SHOULDN'T BE WALKING INTO A COURTROOM--
IS BAY ASKING FOR THIS?
NO, I AM. I-- I BUMPED INTO HIM
AT THE FARMERS' MARKET AND...
WHEN HE LAUGHS, HIS EYES, THEY'RE--
THEY'RE JUST LIKE BAY'S.
AND FOR THE FIRST TIME I COULD SEE THAT HE IS HER--
THERE'S A GENETIC LINK,
AND LIKE IT OR NOT, THAT MAKES HIM PART OF THIS FAMILY.
HOW DOES DAPHNE FEEL?
IT'S FINE. ARE YOU SURE?
WELL, I DON'T THINK THAT WE'LL BE DOING "THE AMAZING RACE"
ANYTIME SOON,
BUT IF JOHN AND KATHRYN CAN SURVIVE DINNER WITH ANGELO,
THEN I CAN TOO.
OKAY.
ANGELO'S BETTER THAN I THOUGHT.
I CAN'T BELIEVE HE MANAGED TO WORK HIS WAY INTO THE KENNISH HOUSE.
MA, STOP. HE'S MAKING AN EFFORT.
YES, BECAUSE HE HAS AN AGENDA.
HE IS NOT THE MAN YOU REMEMBER.
YOU'RE SLEEPING WITH HIM, AREN'T YOU?
YES. OH.
BUT YOU KNOW WHAT? THIS ISN'T ANY OF YOUR BUSINESS.
MAYBE, BUT IT IS DAPHNE'S.
WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN WHEN THE GIRLS FIND OUT?
( sighs )
THERE SHE IS. OH.
SO PRIYA AND SOME OTHER GIRLS WHO I WON'T MENTION--
ME-- ARE DYING TO KNOW HOW YOUR DATE WITH WILKE WENT.
HONESTLY, KINDA AWESOME.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT I WAS EXPECTING,
BUT HE WAS SO SWEET AND ROMANTIC.
WOW, HE MUST REALLY LIKE YOU.
ON OUR FIRST DATE, ALL HE DID WAS GET DRUNK
AND TAKE ME TO THE GOLF COURSE.
YEAH, ME TOO.
( bell rings )
HE TOOK YOU TO THE GOLF COURSE.
DOESN'T CHANGE THINGS. HE STILL CLEARLY LIKES YOU.
WAIT, SO HE TOOK ALL OF YOU TO THE GOLF COURSE
ON YOUR FIRST DATE?
IF IT MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER, HE TOOK ME TO WORLD OF FUN.
UGH. COME ON, COME ON.
( engine stops )
OKAY, I HAVE TO WARN YOU.
OLIVIA IS GOING TO HIT YOU UP TO DO A PAINTING OF HER.
OH.
I THINK IT'S A PRESENT FOR MY DAD.
IT'S NOT A NUDE, IS IT?
IT'S OLIVIA. YOU GOT A FIFTY-FIFTY SHOT.
BUT, I MEAN, IS THAT WEIRD?
I JUST MET HER.
ONE DAY YOU FIND OUT YOUR PARENTS ARE GETTING DIVORCED...
THE NEXT DAY YOUR DAD'S INTRODUCING YOU TO HIS GIRLFRIEND.
BUT SHE MAKES HIM HAPPY.
AND SHE REALLY LIKES YOU.
SHE THINKS THAT WE'RE SLEEPING TOGETHER.
WOULD THAT BE SO BAD?
I-- I WOULDN'T KNOW.
ARE YOU--
YES, I'M A VIRGIN.
WHAT?
THIS IS "VEGETABLE." THIS IS "VIRGIN."
( laughs )
WELL, WHAT ARE YOU? A VEGETABLE?
OH. ONE OF THE OTHER FOOD GROUPS.
DID YOU DO IT WITH--
NO, NO.
I DON'T PEEL AND TELL.
IT'S A VEGETABLE JOKE.
I GOT IT.
DOES IT BOTHER YOU THAT I'M NOT A VEGETABLE?
( chuckles ) NO.
YES. NO. I-- I DON'T KNOW.
IS IT WEIRD THAT I AM?
OF COURSE NOT.
( cellphone buzzing )
( beeps )
( speaking Italian ) MARTINO! HOW ARE YOU?
WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?
NO, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT! SLOW DOWN.
MARTINO, WHO TOLD YOU THIS?
NO, I USED ANOTHER NAME.
YES, THE PASSPORT, EVERYTHING.
MARTINO, CALM DOWN.
THEY WON'T BE ABLE TO FIND ME.
IMPOSSIBLE.
YES, CALL ME IF YOU HEAR ANYTHING ELSE.
( beeps )
( chattering )
HEY.
WHEN I HEARD YOU WERE WORKING AT THE CAR WASH,
I WAS HOPING FOR A BIKINI AND A WHOLE LOT OF SUDS.
YOU GET MY TEXT ABOUT THIS WEEKEND?
WORLD OF FUN HAS THIS NEW ROLLERCOASTER--
THE BOOMERANG.
SO INTENSE THAT YOU VOMIT UP YOUR LUNCH
AT THE TOP OF THE LOOP AND SWALLOW IT BACK DOWN ON THE BOTTOM.
AND THEN WE'LL HOOK UP IN THE GRAVITRON, RIGHT?
WH--
THAT'S YOUR BIG SECOND-DATE MOVE.
AH. YOU'VE BEEN TALKING TO THE GIRLS ON THE BASKETBALL TEAM.
AND SOME OF THE VOLLEYBALL SQUAD.
( chuckles )
THERE'S ONLY SO MANY COOL THINGS TO DO IN THIS TOWN.
IT'S KIND OF LIKE THE GREATEST HITS.
YOU KNOW WHAT? I HAVE A LOT OF WORK TO DO HERE.
I SHOULD PROBABLY GET BACK TO IT.
BUT DAPHNE--
( door shuts ) DAPHNE!
( folk music playing )
♪ DEAR LOVE, HOLD TIGHT... ♪
UH... ( chuckles )
WHAT'S THIS?
GREASE.
I WAS AT THE SALVAGE YARD ALL DAY LOOKING FOR A MOTORCYCLE FRAME.
UH, YOU SKIPPED SCHOOL? DOES YOUR DAD KNOW?
WHO DO YOU THINK WROTE ME THE NOTE?
WE'RE BUILDING IT TOGETHER.
( chuckles ) WOW.
CAN YOUR DAD WRITE ME A NOTE
TO GET ME OUT OF ALL OF SECOND SEMESTER?
( chuckles )
MMM, UH, BEFORE I FORGET--
AND YOU'RE SUCH A GOOD KISSER
THAT IT'S A VERY REAL POSSIBILITY--
J. AND K. INVITED ANGELO TO FAMILY DINNER.
CAN I WATCH IT ON PAY-PER-VIEW?
( laughs ) WELL, THERE'S NO NEED.
THERE'S A RINGSIDE SEAT JUST FOR YOU. IT'S TONIGHT.
I CAN'T.
MY DAD AND I ARE GOING TO HUNT FOR AN ENGINE.
( sighs )
YOU WANNA COME HERE AFTER THE DINNER?
IT MIGHT BE KINDA LATE.
YOU HEARD OLIVIA. IT'S OKAY IF YOU WANT TO STAY OVER.
YOU MEAN STAY-OVER STAY OVER?
IF YOU WANT TO. I MEAN, I WANT YOU TO.
ME TOO.
I'LL TRY TO COME BY AS SOON AS I CAN.
GREAT.
( alarm blaring ) LOOK, WE SET IT OFF BY ACCIDENT.
IF I KNEW THE CODE, I WOULDN'T NEED YOUR HELP!
OKAY, MY HUSBAND CHANGES THE CODE EVERY THREE MONTHS
AND HE FORGOT TO TELL US WHAT IT IS.
IT'S NOT HIS HOME RUN RECORD OR HIS R.B.I. STATS.
TRY HIS ON-BASE PERCENTAGE.
LOOK, PLEASE, YOU HAVE TO DO SOMETHING. HURRY.
PLEASE, YOU'VE GOTTA HELP US. WE'RE ALL GOING DEAF HERE.
LISTEN, IF I WAS ROBBING THE HOUSE,
I'D BE ROBBING THE HOUSE, NOT TALKING TO YOU.
( yells )
IT'S MRS. KENNISH. SHE'S TRYING
TO GET AHOLD OF JOHN, BUT HE'S NOT ANSWERING HIS CELL.
HE SAID HE WENT TO THE DRIVING RANGE.
DAPHNE SAYS HE WENT TO THE DRIVING RANGE.
OH, OKAY.
WELL, WE'LL TELL HIM TO CALL YOU WHEN WE SEE HIM.
MRS. KENNISH SAYS SHE ALREADY TRIED THE CLUB. THEY SAID HE'S NOT THERE.
( chattering )
( rock music playing )
( notes playing )
HEY, MAN, I NEED A FAVOR.
I TOLD YOU IF YOU GOT A RASH FROM THE CAPYBARA THAT IT'S YOUR PROBLEM.
I NEED YOUR HELP WITH DAPHNE.
OH.
LOOK, I NEED YOU TO PUT IN A GOOD WORD FOR ME.
SHE THINKS I'M, LIKE, THIS MAN-SLUT.
IT TOOK HER THIS LONG TO FIGURE THAT OUT?
I'M SERIOUS.
DAPHNE'S GOT IT IN HER HEAD THAT SHE'S JUST ANOTHER GIRL
ON SOME TO-DO LIST.
LOOK, I REALLY LIKE HER.
DUDE, YOU KNOW ME.
YEAH, I KNOW YOU,
AND I KNOW THAT YOU NEVER STICK WITH A GIRL FOR MORE THAN TWO WEEKS.
DAPHNE'S DIFFERENT.
YEAH, SHE'S DIFFERENT-- SHE'S MY SISTER.
I--
YOU'RE A FUN GUY
WHO HAPPENS TO LIKE FUN GIRLS,
BUT THERE'S MORE TO DAPHNE THAN THAT.
YOU THINK I DON'T KNOW THAT?
OH, YOU DON'T THINK THERE'S MORE TO ME THAN THAT.
GOOD TO KNOW.
( sighs )
COME ON, DUDE. LET'S JUST START FROM THE TOP.
HEY, YOU'RE HOME EARLY.
WHAT, NO BASKETBALL PRACTICE WITH JOHN?
NOPE.
IS EVERYTHING OKAY?
DO I HAVE TO GO TO THIS DINNER THING?
OH, SWEETIE, OF COURSE NOT.
NO ONE IS TRYING TO FORCE YOU AND ANGELO TOGETHER.
IT'S NOT THAT.
IT'S SOMETHING ELSE?
DO YOU THINK THAT JOHN WOULD HAVE AN AFFAIR?
HE LIED ABOUT WHERE HE WAS
AND THEN I SAW HIM WITH THIS WOMAN.
OKAY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU SAW,
AND YOU KNOW WHAT?
MAYBE IT'S WHAT YOU THINK, BUT MAYBE IT'S NOT.
I MEAN, ANGELO WAS SURE THAT I HAD AN AFFAIR, BUT I HADN'T.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.
I DON'T THINK IT'S YOUR PLACE TO DO ANYTHING.
WELL, IT'S JUST THAT--
WHEN I WAS GROWING UP AND IT WAS JUST YOU, ME AND GRANDMA,
I COULDN'T HELP IT.
SOMETIMES I WOULD WONDER ABOUT
WHAT IT WOULD BE LIKE TO BE A PART
OF A PERFECT FAMILY LIKE THE KENNISHES.
BUT...
IT WAS ALL JUST A LIE.
( sighs )
EVEN IF JOHN IS HAVING AN AFFAIR,
IT DOESN'T MEAN THAT HE DOESN'T LOVE KATHRYN.
THESE THINGS-- ( sighs )
THESE THINGS AREN'T BLACK OR WHITE.
( nervously ) HI.
SORRY I'M EARLY.
OH NO, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
I'M SORRY THAT THE PLACE IS A LITTLE MESSY.
OF COURSE, YOU'RE AN ARTIST.
I'M SO HAPPY I FINALLY GET THE CHANCE
TO SEE YOUR STUDIO.
UH, YEAH, THIS IS WHERE THE OIL AND ACRYLIC MAGIC HAPPENS.
SO WHEN DO I GET THE CHANCE TO MEET THE BOYFRIEND?
UH, ANYTIME.
I JUST WANNA MAKE SURE THAT HIS INTENTIONS ARE HONORABLE WITH MY DAUGHTER.
( laughs ) THEY'RE HONORABLISH.
HEY, ANGELO. OH.
GLAD YOU COULD MAKE IT. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR HAVING ME.
SURE.
I JUST WANTED TO SHOW ANGELO
SOME OF MY ARTWORK. YEAH.
THIS IS THE PIECE THAT I'M WORKING ON RIGHT NOW.
I WAS TRYING SOMETHING NEW
WHERE ORGANIC BECOMES MECHANICAL
AND, WELL, MECHANICAL BECOMES ORGANIC.
IT WAS INSPIRED BY H.R. GIGER.
EMMETT IS REALLY INTO HIM.
GIGER, YEAH. OH, YOU KNOW HIM?
RIGHT, HAVE YOU EVER SEEN HIS NECRONOMICON?
OH, IT'S AWESOME. I HAVE TO SHOW YOU.
YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHO GIGER IS, DO YOU?
NO. WELCOME TO THE CLUB.
DINNER'S READY. John: MY SON TOBY.
AH, THE MUSICIAN.
YES.
SO YOU ARE BAY'S DAD.
NOT WHAT YOU EXPECTED?
UH... ( chuckles )
I GUESS NOT.
LET ME GUESS-- HORNS, POINTED TAIL, PITCHFORK.
( laughs ) I WAS GONNA SAY SCARY CLOWN.
( men laugh )
I'M GLAD BAY HAD A BIG BROTHER TO LOOK AFTER HER.
NICE GUITARS. Toby: OH THANKS.
YOU KNOW, ONCE I SAW ERIC CLAPTON AT THIS LITTLE BAR IN AUSTIN.
AND HE WAS ALL READY TO PLAY,
EXCEPT HE FORGOT HIS PICK.
SO I REACHED DOWN IN MY POCKET, GAVE HIM MINE.
HE PLAYED THE WHOLE SET WITH IT.
NO WAY. YEAH.
AND YOU JUST GOT KICKED OUT OF THE CLUB.
PLEASE TELL ME YOU STILL HAVE THAT PICK.
NO, BAY DOES. ( sighs )
OKAY, HERE IT IS. OH, FANTASTIC.
OH, IT SMELLS WONDERFUL. THANK YOU.
REGINA, PLEASE. THANK YOU.
Kathryn: I HOPE I MADE ENOUGH SALAD.
Bay: YEAH, YOU MADE ENOUGH SALAD.
ANGELO. THANK YOU.
( chuckles ) HI.
I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE HERE.
IF WE DON'T HAVE SOME KIND OF PLEASANT EXCHANGE,
THEY'RE NOT GONNA STOP STARING AT US.
( chuckles ) YEAH.
THANK YOU FOR COMING.
THANK YOU, JOHN. WELCOME.
( sighs )
SO, KATHRYN,
I HEARD YOU HAD PROBLEMS WITH YOUR ALARM EARLIER.
YES, MY HUSBAND CHANGED THE CODE AND HE NEGLECTED TO TELL US.
HONEY, I DON'T GET CELL RECEPTION ON THE GOLF COURSE.
I TOLD YOU THAT.
I CALLED THE CLUBHOUSE AND THEY SAID THEY HADN'T SEEN YOU.
WELL, THAT'S 'CAUSE I DIDN'T CHECK IN AT THE CLUBHOUSE
BECAUSE IF I HAD, I'D HAVE TO SPEND 30 MINUTES
TALKING TO THAT CADDY TRYING TO SELL ME
ON HIS AMAZING INVESTMENT OPPORTUNITIES.
( chuckles )
THE ONLY REASON I FORGIVE HIM
IS THAT I FOUND OUT THAT THE CODE
IS THE NIGHT OF OUR FIRST DATE.
THAT'S RIGHT. NOVEMBER 2nd, 1990.
1990.
( phone ringing )
I GOT IT.
MMM. KATHRYN,
THIS RISOTTO IS DELICIOUS.
Regina: MMM. THANK YOU.
THE SECRET IS THE PASTIS.
IT'S CRAIG TEBBE.
OH.
ACTUALLY, HE ASKED FOR MOM.
OH.
( clears throat ) Kathryn: EXCUSE ME.
HI, CRAIG.
AH. ANGELO, YOU'RE EMPTY THERE. MAY I?
OH, NONE FOR ME PLEASE. THANK YOU.
AH.
JOHN.
CAN I SPEAK WITH YOU IN THE KITCHEN, PLEASE?
YEAH, SURE. EXCUSE ME.
( clears throat )
WHAT, DID CRAIG'S INVESTIGATOR DIG UP SOMETHING ON US?
KATHRYN, HOW BAD ARE WE TALKING?
IT'S NOT ABOUT US.
THERE'S A WARRANT FOR ANGELO IN ITALY.
HE'S A FUGITIVE.
WHAT?
THEY SAY YOU'RE WANTED FOR ASSAULT AND BATTERY.
WHY DID YOU LIE TO US AGAIN?
WHO THE HELL IS ADAM SORRENTO, BY THE WAY?
AND WHY DO YOU HAVE AN ALIAS?
Regina: OKAY, STOP.
THIS HAS TO BE A MISTAKE.
NO, IT ISN'T.
I NEEDED ANOTHER NAME FOR MY WORK VISA,
OTHERWISE THEY WOULD NOT LET ME BACK INTO THE COUNTRY.
OH, WELL, THAT'S JUST GREAT.
UM, OKAY, SO WE CAN ALL HEAR YOU,
EXCEPT FOR DAPHNE, SO YOU MIGHT AS WELL INCLUDE US IN THIS CONVERSATION.
OKAY. WHAT? FINE.
OKAY. UMM...
WHEN-- WHEN I WAS IN ITALY,
I WAS ENGAGED.
AND TWO MONTHS BEFORE THE WEDDING,
I WENT OUT CELEBRATING WITH MY FRIEND ALDO.
AND...
WE WERE DRINKING
AND HE ADMITS TO ME THAT HE WAS SLEEPING WITH MY FIANCEE.
I WAS ANGRY, I WAS DRUNK
AND I BEAT HIM...
HARD.
AND THE NEXT DAY I WOKE UP IN JAIL.
THE POLICE LET ME GO AFTER I SOBERED UP,
BUT ALDO'S FATHER WAS A PROSECUTOR,
SO HE HAD IT OUT FOR ME.
SO YOU JUST FLED.
THEY DIDN'T GIVE ME ANY CHOICE.
REALLY?
GINA.
I'M TELLING YOU--
THEY HAD IT OUT FOR ME.
WHAT ARE YOU PLANNING TO DO?
I DON'T KNOW. LEAVE?
NO, OF COURSE NOT.
LOOK, IT'S ALL GOING TO BE FINE.
WE CAN'T JUST TELL OURSELVES THAT.
WE HAVE TO FACE IT HEAD-ON.
WE CAN GET A GOOD LAWYER
AND WE CAN FIGHT IT.
AND HOW WOULD I PAY FOR THAT, GINA?
ALL MY MONEY'S BEEN TIED UP.
THE SALON.
I JUST CAN'T BELIEVE I GOT TAKEN IN.
I-- I INVITED HIM TO DINNER
IN MY HOUSE.
I FEEL JUST LIKE I DID
WHEN WE FOUND OUT THAT REGINA KNEW ABOUT THE SWITCH.
HONEY, I'M RIGHT THERE WITH YOU.
YOU KNOW WHAT? WE SHOULD'VE TRUSTED OUR FIRST INSTINCTS
ABOUT THAT MAN.
LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING--
I MAKE ONE PHONE CALL TO IMMIGRATION--
BAM-- HE IS RIGHT BACK IN ITALY.
IF YOU GUYS HAVE ANGELO DEPORTED,
I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU.
...SURE THAT THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO?
NO, I UNDERSTAND.
( beeps )
WHAT IS IT?
I CAN'T GET OUT OF THE SALON LEASE,
WHICH MEANS THERE IS NO WAY TO FREE UP ANGELO'S MONEY.
WAIT, YOU WANT TO HELP HIM?
I DON'T UNDERSTAND.
I DON'T WANT HIM DEPORTED OR ARRESTED.
DO YOU--
ARE YOU TWO... BACK TOGETHER?
HAVING HIM BACK AND SEEING HIM AGAIN
STIRRED UP SOME OLD FEELINGS.
HE WALKED OUT ON YOU.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW YOU CAN FALL BACK IN LOVE
WITH SOMEONE LIKE THAT.
I DIDN'T FALL BACK IN LOVE.
I THINK THAT I MIGHT NEVER HAVE FALLEN OUT OF IT.
OH.
( door opens, closes )
THEY HAVE NO RIGHT TO DO THIS.
THEY JUST DON'T LIKE HIM.
WELL, THERE'S A LITTLE MORE TO IT THAN THAT.
LIKE WHAT?
IT'S ASSAULT AND BATTERY.
YOUR PARENTS ARE TRYING TO PROTECT YOU.
( angrily ) WHOSE SIDE ARE YOU ON?
YOURS!
WOW, MY SIGNING MUST BE REALLY BAD,
BECAUSE IT SOUNDS LIKE YOU ARE DEFENDING THEM.
BAY, HE'S A FELON.
HE IS MY DAD, AND WHAT ABOUT YOUR DAD?
HE HAS A BONG THE SIZE OF THE SPACE NEEDLE IN THERE!
YEAH, BECAUSE THAT'S THE SAME THING!
IT'S NOT THE SAME THING, OKAY?
BECAUSE MY DAD IS NOT DATING A CHICK WHO'S HALF HIS AGE,
WHO INCIDENTALLY HAS BEEN TRYING TO MATE US LIKE WE'RE GIANT PANDAS.
I'M SORRY. LET'S NOT FIGHT.
OH, IF YOU THINK
THERE'S ANY CHANCE OF US SLEEPING TOGETHER TONIGHT,
THEN YOU ARE HIGHER THAN YOUR DAD.
( door opens, closes )
OH, YOU CANNOT TAKE A HINT, CAN YOU?
TELL YOU WHAT-- YOU MAKE THAT SHOT, I'LL NEVER BOTHER YOU AGAIN--
BUT IF YOU MISS--
TWO OUT OF THREE.
OH! WHAT ARE YOU, FOUR?
YOU CANNOT DO THAT.
LISTEN, I AM WILLING TO DO WHATEVER IT TAKES.
YOU SHOULD PROBABLY JUST GIVE UP.
TELL ME ABOUT IT.
I HAVE NEVER WORKED THIS HARD FOR ANYBODY IN MY LIFE.
OH, RIGHT. HOW HARD IS IT TO TELL SOME PHONY
SCOLIOSIS STORY?
IT'S NOT PHONY.
HOW COME TOBY DIDN'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT IT?
IT WAS BEFORE I MOVED TO MISSION HILLS.
THE REASON NOBODY KNOWS ABOUT IT IS
BECAUSE YOU'RE THE FIRST PERSON I'VE EVER TOLD.
OH CRAP.
I'M SORRY.
YOU THINK SCOLIOSIS IS SOMETHING YOU ROLL OUT TO GET CHICKS?
( both laugh )
ANYWAYS, WITH YOU BLABBING ABOUT MY CURVY SPINE,
I'M NEVER GONNA GET ANOTHER DATE AGAIN, SO YOU'RE STUCK WITH ME.
( chuckles )
COME ON, ADMIT IT-- WE'RE PRETTY GOOD TOGETHER,
LIKE KETCHUP AND EGGS.
KETCHUP AND EGGS IS DISGUSTING.
WHICH IS WHY THAT IS A PERFECT ANALOGY FOR ME AND YOU AS A COUPLE--
NOT EVERYBODY GETS IT.
ALL RIGHT, BUT I HAVE ANOTHER SHOT STILL.
OKAY. WHAT, SERIOUSLY?
THAT'S NOT-- THAT'S NOT FAIR.
DON'T DO IT.
DON'T CALL THE POLICE ON ANGELO, OR WHOEVER IT IS YOU CALL.
UH, WELL, HONEY, I DON'T REALLY HAVE A CHOICE.
IT'S A VERY SERIOUS MATTER.
I KNOW.
ANGELO'S NOT PERFECT.
AND BELIEVE ME, A WEEK AGO, I WOULD'VE BEEN BEGGING YOU
TO DO IT. BUT MY MOM--
SHE'S HAPPIER THAN SHE'S EVER BEEN.
SHE DESERVES THAT.
OKAY.
I WILL CALL OUR ATTORNEY AND SEE WHAT OPTIONS WE HAVE.
THANK YOU. YOU'RE WELCOME.
I SAW YOU AT THAT CAFE
WITH THAT WOMAN.
YOU MEAN SARAH?
SARAH'S A REPORTER WHO-- WHY DID YOU LIE ABOUT MEETING WITH HER?
OH NO, THIS IS NOT WHAT YOU THINK IT IS.
THEN WHAT IS IT?
SARAH IS WRITING A BOOK ABOUT THE SWITCH.
AND YOU KNOW HOW HARD YOUR MOM HAS BEEN WORKING ON HERS.
AND I WAS VERY CONCERNED THAT WITH SARAH'S EXPERIENCE AND CONTACTS
THAT SHE'D BEAT YOUR MOM TO THE PUNCH.
I MEAN, COME ON,
LOOK, LET'S FACE IT.
HOW MANY "REAL STORY OF THE SWITCHED AT BIRTH FAMILY" BOOKS
CAN THERE BE OUT THERE?
A BOOK.
YEAH, A BOOK.
I HAD LUNCH WITH SARAH TO CONVINCE HER NOT TO WRITE IT.
AND YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME.
YOU KNOW WHAT? IT'S NONE OF MY BUSINESS.
IT IS YOUR BUSINESS. IN FACT, I DON'T EVEN WANNA KNOW.
NO, IT-- IT'S OKAY.
WHAT I'M DOING ISN'T FAIR. IT'S STUPID.
NO, SWEETIE, IT'S NOT--
I HAD THIS FANTASY OF WHAT OTHER PEOPLE'S PERFECT FAMILIES
WOULD BE LIKE--
MOM, DAD, SIBLINGS, PLATES THAT MATCHED
I FOUND YOU GUYS AND I THOUGHT I HAD FINALLY--
OKAY OKAY OKAY, YOU'RE WRONG.
WE ARE NOT PERFECT.
I KNOW.
IT'S JUST--
MY DAD WALKED OUT,
AND I ALWAYS FANTASIZED THAT
SOMEDAY HE'D COME BACK, BEG FOR MY FORGIVENESS
AND FINALLY BE THE DAD THAT I ALWAYS WANTED.
AND INSTEAD-- BIG TWIST--
I GOT A TOTALLY NEW DAD.
MY REAL DAD.
AND YOU'RE AFRAID OF WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN
WHEN HE TURNS OUT TO BE A SCHMUCK TOO, RIGHT?
( crying )
OKAY.
I WILL DISAPPOINT YOU--
I PROMISE YOU THAT--
BUT I WON'T LIE TO YOU
AND I WILL NEVER LEAVE.
( knocks ) HELLO?
ANGELO?
HE'S GONE.
I WENT TO ANGELO'S APARTMENT AND HE WASN'T THERE.
HE'S GONE. WHAT DO YOU MEAN "GONE"?
HIS CLOTHES WERE GONE. THE DOOR WAS KICKED IN.
WHAT'S GOING ON?
LIKE YOU DON'T KNOW. WHAT?
I CANNOT BELIEVE YOU DID THIS.
DID WHAT? YOU TURNED ANGELO IN!
YOU WHAT? HONEY?
I DIDN'T TURN ANYBODY IN, OKAY?
WE WERE GONNA HELP HIM WORK ALL THIS OUT.
STOP LYING TO ME!
Adrianna: THEY'RE TELLING THE TRUTH.
YOUR PARENTS DIDN'T TURN ANGELO IN.
I DID.
Subtitles downloaded with "Netflix subtitle downloader" UserScript by Tithen-Firion.